What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
