I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
