Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
