my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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