Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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