you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
