she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
