alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
