Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
