That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
