wrigley field is MILF paradise
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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