Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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