Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
