NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
