Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
