its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
