and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
