threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
