help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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