We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
