so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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