You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
