Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
