Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
