I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
