the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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