Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
