You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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