I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
