I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize