Do you still have your period?
I think my fart just growled at me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
