dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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