i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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