My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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