dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
