omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
