i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize