he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
