Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize