An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
