My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
