Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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