True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
