I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
