and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
