Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fuck appropriateness.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
