i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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