That's when you crack a 10am beer
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
