If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize