My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
