Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
