Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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