Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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