I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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