oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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