i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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