Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
