Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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