So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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