I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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