the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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