I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize