Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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