If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a search helicopter?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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