I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
