shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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